The Way We Are
by LaPaige
Summary: So they sit side by side, scrubbing mud off Arthur's hunting boots, and trying to hide their smiles.


**For s i l v e r a u r o r a. **

* * *

It's strange, Arthur realises, to miss someone that is still there. Yet as Arthur watches Merlin set down the breakfast he can't help but notice the sadness in his manservant's eyes. A look that Arthur has unwillingly become accustomed too. He would like to say that he enjoys the way Merlin now calls him 'sire' without hesitating, or saying it in a mocking way, or only saying it when Arthur glares and waits with his arms crossed , saying in his practised 'I am the future King, you must obey' voice: _address me properly, Merlin_.

He is a Prince and he should not miss anyone, let alone a manservant that trips over his own feet. So he ignores it, and definitely does not watch Merlin closely, looking for signs of what could be making his unhappy.

No, he certainly does not.

---

At the beginning of the second week, Arthur does not know if he should say something to Merlin, because if Merlin says _it's nothing, sire_ like Arthur knows he will, then he will look like a fool and that is not acceptable. (_N_ot because Arthur is a Prince, but because Merlin knows that Arthur is impatient and_ why can't he just tell him, please?)._

---

He tries to be subtle at first. As Merlin set's down his breakfast, Arthur tries very hard to say thank you in a non-patronising and non-sarcastic tone. It sounds like he is mocking Merlin, because his manservant narrows his eyes and pretends to ignore him and for a small moment Arthur is glad because Merlin is disobeying him by not responding, but then he gets angry.

"Merlin, you will tell me what it is right now or-"

His empty threats fall on deaf ears.

Merlin is already gone, leaving nothing but a 'have a nice breakfast, sire' behind.

Arthur grumbles because he needs to be a Prince and not bother with Merlin. So he eats his food and definitely does not think of another plan to get the information out of Merlin.

No, he certainly does not.

---

"Morgana, there is something wrong with Merlin."

Arthur means to say _I need your help_ but he hasn't asked for help in ... either ever or a very long time.

"Arthur, I actually have things to do," Morgana says in a way that she seems to reserve especially for him. It's a mix of _I am mocking you in a way that sounds pleasant _and _I am above you_ even though she is not above Arthur. Not at all.

"You do not have things to do. All you do is float around looking nice and making my knights distracted. Why you need to stop doing, by the way."

Morgana smiles at him in that way she perfected when they were children.

"Arthur, if you came to ask how to fix Merlin then I am not going to help you," Morgana glares at him when he tries to interrupt before continuing: "for once it's not your fault. Take advantage of that before you say something to upset him."

Arthur glares right back. "I am a Prince! I cannot go and ask my manser-"

"You have been using the 'I'm a Prince' excuse since you were four. And, though you may still act like it, you are no longer a child. Face your problems."

Then she exits and Arthur is left standing alone in her room, thinking that once again Morgana has left with the final word.

---

He does not mention anything to Merlin for a week and three days because if he acts straight away Morgana will know he took her advice and that would give her satisfaction. So how waits impatiently while Merlin listens to him (he will miss this, at least), and calls him sire and does everything he should have done before, but didn't.

It is a Wednesday when he says, slowly so that even Merlin can understand: "Merlin, you have been like this for a long time."

Merlin's head jolts up, and Arthur wonders why he never has these quick reflexes on hunting trips because really, it would save him a lot of energy going _stop tripping over your own feet, Merlin _or _they aren't going to eat you, Merlin _or _shut up, Merlin_.

"Been like what for a long time, sire?" Merlin says without a hint of sarcasm.

"Stop ... stop doing that!" Arthur finally cries, throwing his hands up in a very un-princely fashion. Merlin actually looks frightened for a second, and he doesn't say a word. In fact, he moves to leave Arthur's room, so Arthur starts talking again.

"I don't know what's happened, Merlin, but I want you to stop moping. It's not ... I don't like it. Your job is not to sulk, it is to ... well, you know what your job is, even someone like you isn't that stupid."

Merlin's face flashes with hurt and that was _not _what Arthur wanted to say but he can't take it back because he's Arthur, and that is excuse enough.

"I am not sulking." Merlin says, and for the first time in over a month he hesitates before saying "sire". In a slightly mocking tone that really should offend Arthur, but really does not. Arthur really did not intend to make Merlin even more upset.

It is a good thing Morgana is not lurking around like she usually does when Arthur makes a mistake.

---

Two days after the incident, Arthur walks in on Merlin polishing Arthur's hunting boots. He watches for a little while, not sure what to do because he hasn't apologized to anyone other than his father in a long time. Merlin knows he is there – Arthur knows he does because he keeps hesitating as if waiting for Arthur to say something else upsetting.

Arthur moves and sits down next to Merlin, snatching a boot away from him. He gets a sense of déjà vu but does not comment on it, instead grabbing a nearby thing that looks like a handkerchief (or could be one of those hideous neckerchief things Merlin insists on wearing) and proceeds to clean the mud off his own boots.

"Who are you and what have you done with Arthur?"

It's a bad joke, and Arthur does not find it funny, but he offers a small (_tiny)_ smile because Merlin is sort of trying to be happy, right?

"I know you are not going to tell me, Merlin, but know that you can ..." he looks up and Merlin nods. He knows what Arthur means, and that in turn makes Arthur nod too.

_You can talk to me, if you want. _

Arthur wants to say it, but he can't (he _can't)_.

But Merlin knows this and smiles a little brighter than he did yesterday, and it is a start.

So they sit side by side, scrubbing mud off Arthur's hunting boots, and trying to hide their smiles.


End file.
